Wrestling with God

When I think of my testimony I kind of get overwhelmed, because for me I feel like it is my whole life.  But then Holy Spirit reminds me of my life verse Genesis 50:20 (ESV)

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”

You see I never knew what a life verse was until I was attending my old church and others were sharing what theirs was.  A life verse is a verse of scripture that God brings to life for you that encompasses your life.  This could also be seasonal and change throughout your life.  Mine has not changed since God illuminated it for me about a decade ago.

I was saved as a child at vacation bible school one summer.  I do not remember how old I was but I remember where I was when I got saved.  However, it was April of 2009 when I surrendered my life to Jesus and truly began seeking him and walking with him.  So, I guess you could say I am 13 years old in my walk with Jesus.  Which makes me chuckle because I definitely just finished a season of wrestling with God and that makes me think of my teenager wrestling with me at times.

This season of wrestling with God has been a deep sense of asking questions (not challenging) but wanting to understand why He has allowed certain things to happen over the past 2 and half years for me the way he has.  This has been a deep season of grief for me.  My loved ones have passed away, I have lost friendships, I have lost coworkers, again just a deep sense of loss.

I am reminded of the time Jacob wrestled with God and he would not let go until he blessed him.  A scripture that is coming to life for me right now is Genesis 32:28 (MSG)

“The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.”

We are allowed to wrestle with God.  I believe after my experience he wants us to wrestle with him.  Think about it, when we wrestle we are closer than we have ever been with God.  Jacob received a new name after his wrestle because he would forever be changed by the experience.  I, myself have been changed through this experience.  I am not meant to be the same person I was when I entered the wrestle.  This wrestle was meant to be, so that I could be made a new person as God brings me into the next level of purpose in my life.

The blessing from wrestling with God? My faith before was nothing compared to where I am today.  I worship differently, I read the word differently, I see the world very differently today.  I thought I knew who God was before my wrestle, but I had no idea.  Today I know God, because I have been with God.  God does not leave us through our struggles and doubts and fears, no my friend, he is right there waiting for you to wrestle with him so he can show you who he truly is.  The one that leaves us with a limp to remember the wrestle and stay humble and never to forget that God was there the whole time and would not give up on you even when you might have been ready to give up on him.

As I write this I wonder if God is illuminating some others to me as I reflect on this season I am rising out of.  Each of you have bore witness to this journey for me and I am eternally thankful that you are my witnesses.  So, I leave you with a challenge: What are you wrestling with God about right now?  Are you wrestling with God about anything?  If not, why not?

#LoveAlways <3

LD

Laura Dahl is a lover of Jesus, wife, mother, daughter, once was a sister, and passionately pursuing her purpose in her career.  She is a commissioned generational curse breaker and loves to help people, hoping it will point them back to Jesus along the way.  She is far from perfect but tries to put her best foot forward on this journey we call life.  Embrace the mess and #LoveAlways <3